


#GaySquadGoals

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Group chat, Human!Minghao, Humor, M/M, Multi, Supernatural Elements, Swearing, Vampire!Jun, Vampires, Werewolf!Mingyu, Werewolves, chat fic, faerie!soonyoung, sorcerer!jihoon, vampire!jeonghan, vampire!wonwoo, werewolf!seungcheol, werewolf!vernon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-16 02:04:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17540576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: woozthebitch:ahwoozthebitch:do you hear that beautiful sound?vernonsense:you mean the sound of a faery biting a vampire's neckvernonsense:a werewolf hugging another wolf to deathvernonsense:and an all powerful vampire overlord screaming about the spider in his frappucino?woozthebitch:yeahwoozthebitch:that soundwoozthebitch:like music to my earsOr,A SVT supernatural group chat where the dead and the undead question their existence together.!!!NO LONGER CONTINUED!!!





	1. Chapter 1: look at them corpsehumpers

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Supernatural Homosexuals](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15650808) by [Bambam_the_dab_lord](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bambam_the_dab_lord/pseuds/Bambam_the_dab_lord). 



> hey guys,  
> before you start reading this work, i'd like to tell you all to read 'Supernatural Homosexuals', which is the fic that inspired this fic. it's made by this awesome writer 'Bambam_the_dab_lord' who makes really good works. please check them out!
> 
> w0n no - Wonwoo  
> woozthebitch - Jihoon / Woozi  
> han_angel - Jeonghan  
> theprinceofchina - Jun
> 
> enjoy this work everyone!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon stalks vampire wonwoo and faces the consequences

**last rESORT**

**woozthebitch & w0n no**

**03:54am**

_woozthebitch started a chat with w0n no_

_woozthebitch named the chat last rESORT_

 

 **woozthebitch:** hey

 **woozthebitch:** hey

 **woozthebitch:** hey

 **woozthebitch:** hey

 **woozthebitch:** hey

 

 **w0n no:** the fuck are you

 

 **woozthebitch:** excellent

 **woozthebitch:** you're up

 

 **w0n no:** no shit

 **w0n no:** i'm a nocturnal bitch

 

 **woozthebitch:** h m m m

 **woozthebitch:** i wonder why

 

 **w0n no:** what

 

 **woozthebitch:** anywaYS

 **woozthebitch:** i need a favor

 

 **w0n no:** i don't even fucking know you bro

 

 **woozthebitch:** cmon wonwoo

 **woozthebitch:** help a guy out

 

 **w0n no:** oH 

 **w0n no:** hOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME

 **w0n no:** that's creepy

 **w0n no:** now that i fucking think about it

 **w0n no:** how do you know mY NUMBER

 

 **woozthebitch:** boi chill-

 

 **w0n no:** no bitch

 **w0n no:** i fUCKING WON'T

 **w0n no:** i'm an antisocial sack of sad potatoes

 **w0n no:** i haven't personally talked to someone in dAYS

 **w0n no:** unless one of my shitty friends told you my number

 

 **woozthebitch:** hA

 **woozthebitch:** as if

 **woozthebitch:** i just have very good connections

 **woozthebitch:** but dude

 **woozthebitch:** please it's all i ask

 **woozthebitch:** i literally can't be bothered to do some deep web searching

 

 **w0n no:** istg

 **w0n no:** just tell me your fucking favor

 **w0n no:** then please

 **w0n no:** i beg you

 **w0n no:** fuck off

 

 **woozthebitch:** okie dokie

 **woozthebitch:** can you give me details about world war 2

 **woozthebitch:** not like one of em

 **woozthebitch:** tacky things you find on websites and shit

 **woozthebitch:** like a peRsonal experience

 

 **w0n no:** reasonable favor

 **w0n no:** but how the fuck would i know

 

 **woozthebitch:** isn't it obvious?

 

 **w0n no:** no

 

 **woozthebitch:** cMON Pal

 **woozthebitch:** you and me both know you're a corpsehumper

 

 **w0n no:** a fucking what

 

 **woozthebitch:** you heard me bitch

 **woozthebitch:** a leech would be a better description tho

 

 **w0n no:** i still don't fucking know what you're on about

 

 **woozthebitch:** dear god

 **woozthebitch:** you're a clueless emo

 **woozthebitch:** a vampire wonwoo

 **woozthebitch:** you'RE A FUCKING VAMPIRE

 

 

**ha we're dead**

**w0n no + theprinceofchina + han_angel**

**03:59am**

**w0n no:** guys

 **w0n no:** we have a problem

 

 **han_angel:**  what the fuck did you do now

 

 **w0n no:** mom please

**theprinceofchina:** just tELL US

 

 **w0n no:** ok

 **w0n no:** so um

 **w0n no:** this guy just messaged me

 **w0n no:** and this guy's a fucking stalker or something

 **w0n no:** he knew my name and everything

 

 **han_angel:** can you get to the fucking point

 

 **w0n no:** alright

 **w0n no:** so then he asks if i know about world war 2 and shit 

 **w0n no:** then i'm just like

 **w0n no:** 'how the fuck would i know' 

 **w0n no:** then he's just like

 **w0n no:** 'cause you're a fucking corpsehumper that's why'

 

 **han_angel:** firstly

 **han_angel:** since when did they fucking call us corpsehumpers

 **han_angel:** thats honestly fucking offensive

 

 **theprinceofchina:** mOM

 **theprinceofchina:** that can wait

 **theprinceofchina:** we're about to be eXpOsEd

 

 **han_angel:** just deny all facts and accusations

 

 **theprinceofchina:** use your right to remain silent 

 

 **han_angel:** fuck i need to call my lawyer

 

 **w0n no:** y'all are useless

 **w0n no:** the guy literally knows i'm a vampire

 **w0n no:** and he's fucking using me for something like his history homework

 

 **theprinceofchina:** but are you even surprised at this point

 **theprinceofchina:** i mean

 **theprinceofchina:** you're literally shit at keeping things a secret

 **theprinceofchina:** literally everyone thinks you have a neck fetish

 **theprinceofchina:** and you ask everyone about their blood types

 **theprinceofchina:** then oops 'i wonder where that bite mark came from'

 

 **han_angel:** what do you expect jun 

 **han_angel:** he's still a child

 **han_angel:** we all had that phase once

 

 **w0n no:** bitch i'm 91 years old

 

 **theprinceofchina:** and i'm 256 what is your point

 

 **han_angel:** children please

 **han_angel:** cALM THE FUCK DOWN

 **han_angel:** wonwoo just say that you aren't one 

 **han_angel:** actually

 **han_angel:** from now on you aren't a vampire

 **han_angel:** now you're just a pile of 91 year old emo sadness

 **han_angel:** now aCT LIKE IT

 

**last rESORT**

**woozthebitch & w0n no**

**04:06am**

**w0n no:** ha

 **w0n no:** that's a uh

 **w0n no:** funny joke

 

 **woozthebitch:** no joke here pal

 **woozthebitch:** i know what you are

**04:18am**

**woozthebitch:** bitch did you die or something

 **woozthebitch:** oh wait  

 **woozthebitch:** you're already dead

 **woozthebitch:** ha

 **woozthebitch:** my bad

 **woozthebitch:** but seriously

 **woozthebitch:** where the fuck did you go to

 

 **w0n no:** i'm using my right to remain silent

 

 **woozthebitch:** whose shitty idea was that

 

 **w0n no:** ha

 **w0n no:** you don't wanna know

 **w0n no:** but listen here bitch

 **w0n no:** i didn't want to do this to you

 **w0n no:** like there were other options

 **w0n no:** but you're a threat to us bud

 

 **woozthebitch:** are you going to kill me

 **woozthebitch:** if you are

 **woozthebitch:** please try not to

 **woozthebitch:** it'll be a real inconvience kinda

 

 **w0n no:** how fucking so?

 

 **woozthebitch:** so basically

 **woozthebitch:** you'll have to deal with a kinda fire breathing dragon

 **woozthebitch:** and plus

 **woozthebitch:** i probably won't be that fun to eat

 **woozthebitch:** my blood is literally 75% caffeine

 

 **w0n no:** hold on a sec

 **w0n no:** doin a lil somethin

 

_w0n no added han_angel and theprinceofchina_

 

 **han_angel:** sup bitch

 

 **woozthebitch:** the fuck

 

 **w0n no:** sorry dude

 **w0n no:** they made me-

 

 **han_angel:** you're not fucking sorry wonwoo

 **han_angel:** this bitch called us corpsehumpers

 **han_angel:** he deserves to perish

 

 **theprinceofchina:** i wonder if he's a type b

 **theprinceofchina:** i've been craving that recently tbh

 

 **woozthebitch:** i'm genuinely scared now please don't

 

 **w0n no:** stay strong brother

 **w0n no:** i salute you comrade

 **w0n no:** i'll pass your will on to your next of kin

 

 **han_angel:** let's chARGE JUN

 

 **princeofchina:**  get ready to feEL MY WRATH BITCH

 

 


	2. Chapter 2: we're blasting off again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon's identity is exPOSED  
> And we get introduced to Mingyu, Soonyoung, Vernon and Seungcheol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( A daily prayer to Bambam_the_dab_lord and her godly works )
> 
> fIRSTLY  
> AO3 crashed on me in the middle of saving  
> so thanks alot ao3
> 
>  
> 
> w0n no - Wonwoo (Vampy)  
> woozthebitch - Jihoon / Woozi (Sorcerer)  
> han_angel - Jeonghan (Vampy)  
> theprinceofchina - Jun (Vampy)  
> naegahosh - Soonyoung / Hoshi (Not Revealed yet)  
> vernonsense - Hansol / Vernon (Werewolf)  
> gyusprout - Mingyu (Werewolf)  
> soup - Seungcheol / S.Coups (Werewolf)

**last rESORT**

**w0n no & woozthebitch & han_angel & theprinceofchina**

**06:04am**

**woozthebitch:** we can work something out guys please

 

 **han_angel:** how the fuck do you know about my son

 

 **woozthebitch:** in all honesty

 **woozthebitch:** it was quite obvious

 **woozthebitch:** like the neck fetishes were a dead giveaway

 **woozthebitch:** but when everyone started getting neck bites around campus

 **woozthebitch:** it wasn't hard to guess

 

 **theprinceofchina:** i fuCKING TOLD YOU WONWOO

 

 **han_angel:** i'm disowning you

 

 **woozthebitch:** i'm guessing that you two are also vampires

 

 **theprinceofchina:** possibly 

 

 **han_angel:** or dID YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT

 

 **woozthebitch:** i actually had no idea

 **woozthebitch:** especially about jeonghan

 **woozthebitch:** i'm surprised you haven't recognized me

 

 **han_angel:** what

 

 **w0n no:** jeonghan

 **w0n no:** identify this man

 

 **han_angel:** i don't know-

 

 **w0n no:** iMMEDIATELY

 

 **han_angel:** atleast give me a fucking hINT PLEASE

 

 **theprinceofchina:** since when the fuck did you use please

 **theprinceofchina:** i haven't heard you say that since 1986

 

 **han_angel:** i use it when mY FUCKING IDENTITY IS ABOUT TO BE EXPOSED JUN

 **han_angel:** DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES

 

 **woozthebitch:** omfg just calm down you old ass bats

 **woozthebitch:** i'm in your art class

 

 **han_angel:** i take art?

 

 **w0n no:** oh my fucking god

 **w0n no:** are you serious jeonghan

 

 **han_angel:** i honestly don't even do anything in art

 **han_angel:** i just sleep and dab shit on a canvas

 

 **theprinceofchina:** aren't you an art major?

 

 **w0n no:** you bitches can't be fucking serious  

 

 **han_angel:** wait are you that guy who stares at me alot

 

 **woozthebitch:** kinda

 

 **w0n no:** oh isn't that fucking helpful

 **w0n no:** that narrows it down to like

 **w0n no:** 50 fUCKING PEOPLE 

 

 **han_angel:** WELL I'M SORRY THAT I'M GORGEOUS AND PEOPLE STARE

 

 **theprinceofchina:** can i not be apart of this family anymore

 

 **woozthebitch:** bitch i'm praying for you

 

 **han_angel:** you know what

 **han_angel:** i'm adding fucking soonyoung

 **han_angel:** soonyoung literally knows everyone

 

 **woozthebitch:** bitch dON'T-

 **woozthebitch:** THATS NOT FUCKING FAIR

 

 **theprinceofchina:** dO IT HAN

 **theprinceofchina:** EXPOSE THE FUCKING MAN

 

_han_angel added naegahosh_

 

 **naegahosh:** hi guys

 **naegahosh:** what is this?

 

 **han_angel:** soonyoung

 **han_angel:** identify this man

 

 **woozthebitch:** soonyoung please-

 

 **naegahosh:** who? Jihoon?

 

 **woozthebitch:** bitch why

 

 **han_angel:** aHA

 **han_angel:** your friend has bEEN STALKING MY SON

 

 **naegahosh:** oh ok

 **naegahosh:** that's been jihoon's unhealthy habit recently

 

 **han_angel:** what dorm is he in

 

 **woozthebitch:** wait what the fuck

 

 **naegahosh:** oh he's in dorm 052 

 

 **han_angel:** let's go children

 

 **theprinceofchina:** k mom

 

 **w0n no:** okay

 

 **woozthebitch:** wait what are you guys gonna do

 **woozthebitch:** soonyoung wHY

 

 **naegahosh:** why what?

 

 **woozthebitch:** wAIT WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **naegahosh:** what happened 

 

 **woozthebitch:** ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING STARING THROUGH MY WINDOW

 **woozthebitch:** HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE RED FUCKING EYES

 

 **naegahosh:** sorry wHAT?

 

 **han_angel:** thank you for your help soonyoung

 **han_angel:** you have been incredibly helpful

 

 **naegahosh:** WAIT HOLD ON

 **naegahosh:** WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

 **naegahosh:** ARE YOU GONNA KILL JIHOON

 

 **han_angel:** we'll try not to 

 

_han_angel removed naegahosh_

 

 **woozthebitch:** gUYS AS MUCH AS I KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO KILL ME

 **woozthebitch:** CAN YOU ATLEAST FUCKING USE THE DOOR

 

 **theprinceofchina:** but i like doing dramatic entrances 

 

 **woozthebitch:** YOU BITCH

 **woozthebitch:** YOU FUCKING BROKE MY WINDOW

 

 **w0n no:** JUN WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **theprinceofchina:** oops

 **theprinceofchina:** sorry

 

 **w0n no:** oh wow 

 **w0n no:** you're pretty short

 

 **woozthebitch:** atleast let me die with dignity

 

 **w0n no:** AWW YOU'RE ADORABLE

 

 **woozthebitch:** I AM NOT FUCKING ADORABLE

 **woozthebitch:** I WILL END YOU ALL

 

 **han_angel:** HOW CUTE

 

 **woozthebitch:** i will fucking blast your asses out of my room

 

 **theprinceofchina:** i'd like to see you 

 

 **han_angel:** what

 **han_angel:** sEE YOU WHAT JUN

 

 **w0n no:** FUCK

 **w0n no:** HE REALLY DID BLAST THE FUCKER

 **w0n no:** FUCKITY FUCK

 

 **woozthebitch:** who's fucking next

 

 **han_angel:** you fucking blasted my son into outer fucking space

 

 **woozthebitch:** wait what was that sound

 

 **w0n no:** that was the sound of a pissed 800 year old vampire

 **w0n no:** seeking vengeance for their son

 

 **han_angel:** WANNA FUCKING BLAST ME NOW BITCH

 

 **woozthebitch:** OH FUCK

 

**woof woof**

**gyusprout & vernonsense & soup**

**06:13am**

**gyusprout:** morning guys!!

 

 **soup:** can you not be a ray of sunshine this early in the morning

 

 **vernonsense:** morning to you too mingyu!

 

 **soup:** so bright oml

 

 **gyusprout:** guys are you coming to football practice today?

 

 **soup:** don't think i can make it today

 

 **vernonsense:** aww why not?

 

 **gyusprout:** yeah why?

 

 **soup:** sorry

 **soup:** jihoon has been texting me like fucking crazy

 **soup:** keeps saying he's gonna die or smth

 **soup:** need to deal with him first

 

 **gyusprout:** ok! 

 

 **vernonsense:** i hope jihoon is ok

 

 **soup:** this group chat is so fucking innocent i don't deserve to be in it

 

**please help me**

**woozthebitch & soup**

**06:15am**

**woozthebitch:** seungcheol help me dear god

 **woozthebitch:** i'm sobbing

 **woozthebitch:** my ears fuck

 

 **soup:** what happened?

 

 **woozthebitch:** an 800 year old fucking vampire just beat my ass

 

 **soup:** how so

 

 **woozthebitch:** i'd prefer not to go into detail

 **woozthebitch:** i'm still heavily traumatized

 **woozthebitch:** i'm having fucking vietnam flashbacks

 

 **soup:** and you're telling me this cause

 

 **woozthebitch:** cause i want you to tALK SOME FUCKING SENSE IN THEM

 

 **soup:** bitch i'm not going to get muddled with a fucking 800 year old vampire

 **soup:** that's suicide

 **soup:** what did you even do to piss them off

 

 **woozthebitch:** i blasted this other vampire off into space

 **woozthebitch:** and um

 **woozthebitch:** he just went all mama bear on me

**soup:** yeah i'm not gonna help you

 **soup:** I can't do fucking shit

**woozthebitch:** fucking try

 

 **soup:** fINE

 

**last rESORT**

**w0n no & woozthebitch & han_angel & theprinceofchina**

 

_woozthebitch added soup_

 

 **han_angel:** who is this

 

 **woozthebitch:** my last hope 

 

 **soup:** i heard you've been messing with my jihoon

 

 **han_angel:** he blasted jun into fucking space

 **han_angel:** we found him in a bush just a few fucking mINUTES AGO

 **han_angel:** consider us even

 

 **soup:** can't do much for you jihoon

 

 **woozthebitch:** I TRUSTED YOU BITCH

 **woozthebitch:** I ONLY DID IT CAUSE YALL WERE DESTROYING MY PRIDE

 

 **soup:** your pride doesn't mean shit

 

 **han_angel:** exactly

 

 **soup:** are you that 800 year old vampire that jihoon was crying about?

 

 **woozthebitch:** way to throw me under the fucking bus

 

 **han_angel:** indeed i am

 **han_angel:** and you are?

 

 **soup:** i'm a werewolf

 

 **han_angel:** peachy

 

 **woozthebitch:** wHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

 

 **soup:** wait i think we've met before

 **soup:** jeonghan right?

 **soup:** we met in the library once

 

 **han_angel:** oh yeah

 **han_angel:** i remember that

 **han_angel:** you're seungcheol

 **han_angel:** you're the senior in my calculus class

 

 **soup:** i actually need help with my calculus homework

 **soup:** think you can help?

 

 **han_angel:** yeah sure

 **han_angel:** wanna meet in the library?

 

 **soup:** sure

 **soup:** see you there

 

 **woozthebitch:** what the fuck just happened

 

 **princeofchina:** i think that you just set up a werewolf and a vampire together

 

 **woozthebitch:** tHAT WASN'T MY FUCKING INTENTION NOW WAS IT

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading part 2 of this fanfic!
> 
> Constructive Criticism is gladly appreciated!
> 
> I know it may seem really blotchy with lots of info missing here and there, but more will be revealed in future chapters! So will new relationships and creatures.


	3. Chapter 3: sprinkle a dash of fairy dust on that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the jeonghan rebellion is formed and soonyoung joins the supernatural squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( My daily Prayer to Bambam_the_dab_lord and her godly works )
> 
> Hi everyone!  
> After the second part I was extremely blocked and didn't know what to write, so i just wrote a few words and hoped that my shitty head would work and be useful. But let's just say I wrote this all in one night.
> 
> w0n no - Wonwoo (Vampy)  
> woozthebitch - Jihoon / Woozi (Sorcerer)  
> han_angel - Jeonghan (Vampy)  
> theprinceofchina - Jun (Vampy)  
> naegahosh - Soonyoung / Hoshi (Faery)  
> vernonsense - Hansol / Vernon (Werewolf)  
> gyusprout - Mingyu (Werewolf)  
> soup - Seungcheol / S.Coups (Werewolf)

  **please help me**

**woozthebitch & soup**

**08:02am**

**woozthebitch:** you traitor

 **woozthebitch:** how could you

 **woozthebitch:** after all we've fucking been through 

 

 **soup:** can you hold on a sec

 **soup:** me and jeonghan are talkin about how many kids we wanna have

 

 **woozthebitch:** thAT IS NOT WHAT I TEXTED YOU FOR

 

 **soup:** k ill send you a pic

**soup:**

 

 **woozthebitch:** can you calm your gay ass please

 **woozthebitch:** tHE BITCH FUCKING WHOOPED MY ASS LAST NIGHT AND NOW YOU'RE BUYING LATTES WITH HIM

 

 **soup:** in our defense

 **soup:** it was all on you

 

 **woozthebitch:**  in oUR defense?

 **woozthebitch:**  you're in deep fucking shit

 **woozthebitch:** i refuse to let you be tAKEN AWAY FROM ME

 

 **soup:** hannie doesn't want me to talk to you anymore

 **soup:** he's still mad at you

 

 **woozthebitch:** seungcheol istg

 **woozthebitch:** can you atleast use your werewolf ass and bite him while you're there

 

 **soup:** won't that kill him?

 

 **woozthebitch:** hopefully 

 

 **soup:** hannie is taking my phone away-

 

 **woozthebitch:** dude reFUSE

 **woozthebitch:** uSE YOUR wEREWOLF ASS FOR SOMETHING

 **woozthebitch:** bARK AT HIM

 **woozthebitch:** hello

 **woozthebitch:** seungcheol

 **woozthebitch:** dID YOU JUST FUCKING BLOCK ME YOU BITCH

 

**the jeonghan rebellion**

**woozthebitch & naegahosh & gyusprout & vernonsense**

**08:07am**

_woozthebitch started a chat with naegahosh, gyusprout and vernonsense_

_woozthebitch named the chat the jeonghan rebellion_

 

 **woozthebitch:**  gather round you pieces of shit

 

 **naegahosh:** jihoon

 **naegahosh:** didn't jeonghan kill you?

 

 **woozthebitch:** i ain't going that easily bitch

 

 **gyusprout:** why isn't seungcheol in this chat?

 

 **woozthebitch:** the bitch was too weak

 **woozthebitch:** he was stolen from ur cLUTCHES

 

 **vernonsense:** what does that mean

 

 **woozthebitch:** jeonghan seduced him and now they're living peacefully together

 **woozthebitch:** WHICH IS FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE

 

 **vernonsense:** i'm happy for them!!

 

 **woozthebitch:** can you fucking not

 **woozthebitch:** you fucking bright pieces of sunshine 

**naegahosh:** can you please tell us what is going on

 

 **woozthebitch:** i'm fighting with jeonghan for fucking dominance

 **woozthebitch:** y'all are gonna help me overthrow him

 

 **gyusprout:** ok!

**vernonsense:** i mean

 **vernonsense:** how bad can he really be?

 

 **woozthebitch:** bitch

 **woozthebitch:** he's the most brutal vampire i've ever fucking met

 **woozthebitch:** the dude's like one of first vampys to ever exist or something also

 

 **gyusprout:** wait

 **gyusprout:** wAIT

 **gyusprout:** fRICKING WAIT

 **gyusprout:** soonyoung is here

 

 **woozthebitch:** sHIT

 **woozthebitch:** HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING

 **woozthebitch:** so mAYBE

 **woozthebitch:** he haSN'T READ THEM YET-

 

 **naegahosh:** i'm here

 

 **vernonsense:** i don't think we're very good at keeping this a secret

 

 **gyusprout:** didn't think so either

 

 **woozthebitch:** fUCK

 **woozthebitch:** how dO I SAY THIS

 

 **naegahosh:** take your time

 

 **woozthebitch:** oK

 **woozthebitch:** it's time to man up soonyoung

 **woozthebitch:** it's time that you know something

 

 **naegahosh:** am i adopted or something

 

 **woozthebitch:** idk

 **woozthebitch:** that's your personal shit

 **woozthebitch:** but the thing is

 **woozthebitch:** we're not human

 

 **naegahosh:** no fucking shit

 **naegahosh:** no human being 

 **naegahosh:** acts like you fuckers

 

 **woozthebitch:** it's almost like you're asking us to eat you

 **woozthebitch:** but that'd be gross tbh

 **woozthebitch:** bUT 

 **woozthebitch:** you're a c t u a l l y fine with this shit?

 

 **gyusprout:** yeah i might accidentally bite you or something

 

 **vernonsense:** don't mind him

 **vernonsense:** he's teething 

 

 **woozthebitch:** you see what i fucking mean

 

 **naegahosh:** um

 **naegahosh:** it would be kind of hypocritical to nOT BE FINE WITH IT

 

 **gyusprout:** wdym

 

 **vernonsense:** elaborate

 

 **naegahosh:** um

 **naegahosh:** i'm kinda not human tOO?

 

 **woozthebitch:** wait what

 **woozthebitch:** speak up bitch

 

 **naegahosh:** i'm kind of a faerie

 

 **vernonsense:** ok

 

 **gyusprout:** ok

 

 **woozthebitch:** ok

 **woozthebitch:** aND YOU JUST HAD TO KEEP THIS TO YOUR FUCKING SELF

 

 **vernonsense:** no wonder everyone likes you

 **vernonsense:** you can practically charm everyone to like you

 

 **naegahosh:** nope

 **naegahosh:** i'm just likable

 

 **vernonsense:** fair enough

 

 **gyusprout:**  also

 **gyusprout:** what do you mean by 'kinda'

 

 **naegahosh:** idk

 **naegahosh:** i've just never really felt like a fey

 **naegahosh:** i've just thought of myself as a human 

 

 **woozthebitch:** that's cute n all

 **woozthebitch:** but do you have the power to beat jeonghan's ass

 

 **naegahosh:** i dON'T KNOW

 **naegahosh:** I GUESS?

 

 **woozthebitch:** i mean

 **woozthebitch:** what can you fucking do?

 

 **vernonsense:** do you have like that fairy dust stuff?!

 

 **woozthebitch:** seriously

 **woozthebitch:** the dude reveals he's a fae and that's the first thing you ask him

 

 **naegahosh:** um

 **naegahosh:** i can turn really small and stuff

 **naegahosh:** and fly

 **naegahosh:** but i can only do that when i'm small n all

 

 **woozthebitch:** what else

 **woozthebitch:** anything that you can use in bATTLE or smth

 

 **naegahosh:** my mom used to be really good with animal communication and stuff

 **naegahosh:** but i never really learnt alot about it

 **naegahosh:** i can like summon an animal or two though

 **naegahosh:** but it really tires me out

 

 **woozthebitch:** what animals can you summon

**naegahosh:** a bird and a spider

 

 **woozthebitch:** that'll do

 **woozthebitch:** what about you two

 **woozthebitch:** what can y'all do

 

 **gyusprout:** i can give hugs and turn into a head-ripping wolf

 **gyusprout:** but i prefer the hugs option

 

 **woozthebitch:** you know what

 **woozthebitch:** you do you gyu

 **woozthebitch:** i ain't that heartless 

 **woozthebitch:** what about you bitch

 

 **vernonsense:** i can sit awkwardly in the corner

 **vernonsense:** i can bark at them 

 **vernonsense:** and i can also act utterly confused

 

 **woozthebitch:** perfect

 **woozthebitch:** i'll just bibbity bobbity boo their asses 

 **woozthebitch:** and soonyoung you do your thing

 

 **naegahosh:** sure thing

 

 **vernonsense:** sounds good

 

 **woozthebitch:** alright

 **woozthebitch:** let's go bitches

**world war 3**

**woozthebitch & han_angel & soup & naegahosh & vernonsense & gyusprout & w0n no & theprinceofchina**

**08:23am**

_woozthebitch created a chat with han_angel, soup, naegahosh, vernonsense, gyusprout, w0n no and theprinceofchina_

_woozthebitch named the chat world war 3_

 

 **woozthebitch:** welcome everyone

 

 **soup:** not again

 

 **woozthebitch:** oh so you've fINALLY UNBLOCKED ME

 

 **han_angel:** cheollie what is this?

 

 **woozthebitch:** aHA

 **woozthebitch:** the bitch that started this wHOLE THING

 

 **han_angel:** you're making false accusations here

 **han_angel:** i wasn't the one who stalked wonwoo 

 **han_angel:** and then proceeded to blast jun to god knows where

 

 **woozthebitch:** i hAD A REASONABLE EXPLANATION TO WHY I DID THAT

 

 **theprinceofchina:** i'm still picking the leaves from my body after landing in that fUCKING BUSH

 

 **woozthebitch:** yeah and i'm gonna say this from the bottom of my heart

 **woozthebitch:** real

 **woozthebitch:** genuine 

 **woozthebitch:** words

 **woozthebitch:** -my bad-

 

 **w0n no:** who are gyusprout and vernonsense

 

 **woozthebitch:** they are the mighty beasts that will tRAMPLE YOUR VAMPIRE ASSES

 

 **w0n no:** ok

 **w0n no:** but which one of them is the one barking at my window rn

 

 **woozthebitch:** vERNON

 **woozthebitch:** i tOLd yOu tO wAit fOR thE cUE

 

 **vernonsense:** sorry

 **vernonsense:** it just seemed like the time

 

 **theprinceofchina:** can someone tell me why soonyoung is in this chat

 **theprinceofchina:** or are we just like

 **theprinceofchina:** telling fucking everyone now 

 

 **han_angel:** you know what's fucking funny

 **han_angel:** i was living in peace, no aPPARENT disturbances for the last 50 years

 **han_angel:** but then you fuckers had to come along

 **han_angel:** like when will i finally have some fucking peace for at least a century

 

 **theprinceofchina:** can someone fucking answer me

 

 **woozthebitch:** no need to worry about soonyoung

 **woozthebitch:** you'll see why in a sec

 

 **gyusprout:** can i hug them now

 

 **woozthebitch:** you know what gyu

 **woozthebitch:** sure

 

 **soup:** i feel uncomfortable

 

 **gyusprout:** accept my love hyung

 

 **soup:** i can't fucking breath mingyu-

 

 **gyusprout:** aCCEPT IT

 

 **w0n no:** jesus something is really itching me on the back of my neck

 **w0n no:** it's like this fucking fly or smth 

**woozthebitch:** h m m m

 

 **w0n no:** aH FUCK

 

 **han_angel:** what

 

 **w0n no:** thE FLY FUCKING BIT ME

 

 **theprinceofchina:** flies bite?

 

 **w0n no:** fUCKING APPARENTLY

 

 **han_angel:** maybe it's not a fly

 

 **w0n no:** HM

 **w0n no:** YEAH IT'S FUCKING NOT

 **w0n no:** CAN SOMEONE FUCKING EXPLAIN TO ME WHY SOONYOUNG IS BITING MY NECK

 

 **theprinceofchina:** that's kinky

 

 **w0n no:** oh

 **w0n no:** is IT NOW

 **w0n no:** BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER FAERIES WITH SPARKLY WINGS BEING A TURN ON FOR ME

 

 **theprinceofchina:** tmi dude

 **theprinceofchina:** could you not

 

 **woozthebitch:** soonyoung

 **woozthebitch:** dO IT NOW

 

 **han_angel:** what the fuck

 **han_angel:** a bird just flew into my window

 

 **woozthebitch:** the other one soonyoung

 

 **han_angel:** sHIT 

 **han_angel:** A SPIDER FUCKING LANDED IN MY COFFEE

 **han_angel:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **woozthebitch:** ah

 **woozthebitch:** do you hear that beautiful sound?

 

 **vernonsense:** you mean the sound of a faery biting a vampire's neck

 **vernonsense:** a werewolf hugging another wolf to death

 **vernonsense:** and an all powerful vampire overlord screaming about the spider in his frappucino?

 

 **woozthebitch:** yeah 

 **woozthebitch:** that sound

 **woozthebitch:**  music to my ears

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading part three!  
> I'll make sure part four is out by the 10th of Feb!
> 
> Constructive Criticism is gladly welcomed!  
> Any comment or even a single read of my work is already a huge help towards me writing more, so thank you for even viewing this work! 
> 
> I know in the past few parts Jihoon has kind of been the center of attention (But I try my best to distribute the plot towards everyone) I assure you that in the next parts I will introduce more members! However, I do need help on what kind of creatures they will be, so a small suggestion would help me loads!


	4. Chapter 4: ew what are humans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gaysquad is formed and human minghao kicks jun's ass. Two new ships are hinted at in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw you have to search up the member's blood types bcs you made the vampires thirsty af in this chap.
> 
> Sorry if this fic seems a bit too explicit? Or the insults a bit intense, I swear they do love each other lmao. I'll make sure to show it in further chapters. It's just my kind of humor.
> 
> ( daily prayer to my lord Bambam_the_dab_lord )
> 
> Sorry this took a while to post, I had exams and I'm pretty ok with the results for once! I did lose my inspiration halfway through this so sorry if it's less interesting in the second part, I am introducing new characters and relationships. I have alot in plan for this fic! 
> 
> Please enjoy!
> 
> w0n no - Wonwoo (Vampy)  
> woozthebitch - Jihoon / Woozi (Sorcerer)  
> han_angel - Jeonghan (Vampy)  
> theprinceofchina - Jun (Vampy)  
> naegahosh - Soonyoung / Hoshi (Faery)  
> vernonsense - Hansol / Vernon (Werewolf)  
> gyusprout - Mingyu (Werewolf)  
> soup - Seungcheol / S.Coups (Werewolf)  
> nofucksminghao - Minghao / The8 (Human)

**gaysquadbitches**

**woozthebitch & han_angel & soup & naegahosh & vernonsense & gyusprout & w0n no & theprinceofchina**

**12:43pm**

_han_angel has created a chat_

_han_angel added woozthebitch, soup, naegahosh, vernonsense, gyusprout, w0n no and theprinceofchina_

_han_angel named the chat gaysquadbitches_

 

 **han_angel:** welcome to the fucking squad bitches _  
_

 

 **w0n no:** istg if i'm added to another fucking one of these

 **w0n no:** i'm impaling myself in the heart with a fucking wooden stake

 

 **woozthebitch:** quick someone fUCKING ADD HIM TO SOMETHING-

 

 **w0n no:** if you fucking do

 **w0n no:** i will take you down with me to the pits of hell bitch

 

 **woozthebitch:** aren't we already in it

 

 **han_angel:** that's not fucking important

 **han_angel:** can someone fucking tell me

 **han_angel:** why seungcheol hasn't answered his fucking phone in 5 fucking hours

 

 **gyusprout:** haven't you heard??

 **gyusprout:** seungcheol hyung is sick

 **gyusprout:** he's sleeping in our dorm rn

 

 **han_angel:** seungcheol

 **han_angel:** is

 **han_angel:** sick

 **han_angel:** and noBODY HAD THE AUDACITY

 **han_angel:** TO TELL ME ABOUT IT

 

 **gyusprout:** i thought jun told you!

 

 **theprinceofchina:** bitch don't drag me into this

 

 **gyusprout:** han hyung is that you knocking on my door-

 

 **han_angel:** OPEN THE FUCK UP BITCH

 **han_angel:** I BROUGHT CHICKEN BLOOD SOUP

 

 **woozthebitch:** why would you fucking bring chicken blood soup

 

 **han_angel:** to help him get better

 **han_angel:** what else would i bring lol

 

 **theprinceofchina:** han these mutts aren't vampires

 

 **vernonsense:** i'm not a mutt :(

 

 **woozthebitch:** jun fucking apologize to the puppy

 

 **theprinceofchina:** yeah shit my bad

 

 **gyusprout:** han you're gonna wake up seungcheol

 **gyusprout:** and plus the moon's really bright n all

 **gyusprout:** my teeth are kinda itchy

 **gyusprout:** and i really want to bite something

 

 **han_angel:** that ain't gon stop me from geTTING TO MY SEUNGCHEOL BITCH

 

 **vernonsense:** you might not wanna do that

 **vernonsense:** gyu's a softie

 **vernonsense:** but he's got one hell of a bite

 

 **w0n no:** han's a kinda really old vamp or some bullshit

 **w0n no:** werewolf bites don't do too much shit to him anymore when you're that fucking old

 

 **vernonsense:** it still does alotta damage though

**han_angel:** tell me one fucking reason why i shouldn't bash through these shitty doors

 

 **vernonsense:** mingyu's wolf is p r e t t y vicious

 

 **han_angel:** yeah well so am i wHEN I DON'T FUCKING GET TO SEUNGCHEOL

 

 **w0n no:** clingy much

 

 **han_angel:** don't fucking judge me when you've been single and sad for the whole of your fucking existence wonwoo

 

 **w0n no:** touché

 

 **han_angel:** kay mingyu

 **han_angel:** comin the fuck in

 **han_angel:** ready or not

 **han_angel:** i don't give a fuck

 

 **vernonsense:** don't say i didn't warn you

 

 **han_angel:** aw since when did you guys get a dog?

 **han_angel:** it's kinda big though

 

 **woozthebitch:** are you fucking serious

 **woozthebitch:** isn't it obvious what's happening here-

 

 **han_angel:** i know it's probably mingyu

 **han_angel:** but it's fluffy and i wanna pet it

 

 **vernonsense:** don't pet it

 **vernonsense:** rESIST THE URGE

 

 **han_angel:** well fuck it i'm petting the pup

 **han_angel:** hOLY FUCK

 **han_angel:** THE DOGGIE BIT MY FUCKING HAND

 **han_angel:** IT'S CHASING ME DOWN THE BLOODY DORMS

 **han_angel:** IT'S YAPPING LIKE A LIL BITCH TOO

 

 **vernonsense:** yeah that's gyu

 

 **han_angel:** WHY IS GYU SO FUCKING FAST OML

 **han_angel:**  FUCK THIS SHIT I'M FLYING AWAY

 

 **w0n no:** this is kinda entertaining

 

 **woozthebitch:** you're watching this shit?

 

 **w0n no:** i live down the hall from mingyu

 **w0n no:** i would never fucking pass this opportunity to see jeonghan running his ass off

 

 **han_angel:** i think i lost him

 

 **w0n no:** lol

 **w0n no:** no you didn't

 

 **han_angel:** what do you mean i don't see him anywhere-

 

 **w0n no:** look a little bit to your left

 

 **han_angel:** kay

 **han_angel:** nothing so far

 

 **w0n no:** now look fucking behind you

 

 **han_angel:** qowfjoiqwijofwoijwaf

 **han_angel:** FUCKFSJIOSEF

 

 **vernonsense:** this is why y'all should listen to me

 

 **woozthebitch:** look i'm on another floor

 **woozthebitch:** but i can hear jeonghan screaming from here

 **woozthebitch:** it doesn't sound too good

 

 **w0n no:** this shit's entertaining as fuck

 

 **theprinceofchina:** sometimes i forget that jeonghan's like 800 fucking years old

 

 **w0n no:** that's what the fucker gets for reminding me of my love life

 **w0n no:** fucking karma that's right

 

**01:02pm**

**gyusprout:** aw geez

 **gyusprout:** i think i passed out for a couple of minutes

 **gyusprout:** oh hey han hyung

 **gyusprout:** what are you doin on the floor?

 

 **han_angel:** oh

 **han_angel:** idk 

 **han_angel:** the floor's just kinda comfy y'know

 **han_angel:** it's just kinda nice to bleed out here while your body slowly repairs itself

 

 **gyusprout:** aw shucks

 **gyusprout:** did i bite you?

 

 **han_angel:** no

 **han_angel:** fucking

 **han_angel:**  sHIT YOU DID

 

  **ha we're dead**

**w0n no & han_angel & thepinceofchina**

**01:15pm**

**theprinceofchina:** hello

 

 **han_angel:** oh hey jun

 **han_angel:** why haven't yOU FUCKING BEEN HERE

 **han_angel:** yOU DIDN'T SHOW UP TO OUR DAILY FEED SESH

 

 **w0n no:** yeah man we're honestly offended

 

 **theprinceofchina:** um

 **theprinceofchina:** i'm not jun

 

 **w0n no:** oh are you another one of jun's one night stands

 

 **theprinceofchina:** ew no

 

 **han_angel:** jun has fucking one night stands?

 **han_angel:** my child is a whore

 

 **theprinceofchina:** oh my god

 **theprinceofchina:** first of all

 **theprinceofchina:** i'm minghao

 **theprinceofchina:** and i'm here to fucking ask

 **theprinceofchina:** why this bitch over here

 **theprinceofchina:** apparently jun

 **theprinceofchina:** tried to bite my fucking neck

 

 **han_angel:** oh 

 

 **w0n no:** o h

 

 **han_angel:** oH

 

 **w0n no:** o H

 

 **han_angel:** sO you see HERE-

 

 **w0n no:** jun has neck fetishes

 

 **han_angel:** what the fuck wonwoo

 

 **w0n no:** i panicked ok

 

 **han_angel:** you didn't have to blurt out your own fucking issues

 

 **theprinceofchina:** oh for fucks sake

 **theprinceofchina:** why does this guy have to fucking use a fucking iphone5

 **theprinceofchina:** so fucking outdAated

 

 **w0n no:** i told you jUn

 **w0n no:** you're gonna blow your cover if you have the iphone fucking 5

 **w0n no:** only old ass people like you use them

 

 **theprinceofchina:** wdym old

 **theprinceofchina:** he looks 21 tops?

 

 **han_angel:** he must feel flattered considering he's 4 times your age bitch

 

 **theprinceofchina:** who hurt you dude

 

 **han_angel:** the teenagers that called me ahjussi the other day

 **han_angel:** like what the fuck don't i look 19 atleast?

 **han_angel:** i look like one of them don't i?

 

 **w0n no:** calm down grandpa

 

_theprinceofchina added nofucksminghao_

 

 **nofucksminghao:** finally

 **nofucksminghao:** the dude has such a crappy phone it's unbelievable

 **nofucksminghao:** how is it still functioning

 

 **theprinceofchina:** excuse fucking me

 **theprinceofchina:** i'm sorry that my poor ass can't afford the iphone fucking x which you so blatantly have

 

 **nofucksminghao:** um sorry i don't speak broke peasant

 

 **han_angel:** jun why can't you pummel the dude 

 **han_angel:** you have no fucking choice seeing as you revealed your identity

 

 **theprinceofchina:** if i step out of the circle he drew around me

 **theprinceofchina:** he'll pour holy water on me

 **theprinceofchina:** and stuff garlic in my nostrils

 

 **w0n no:** oh my god jun you weakling

 **w0n no:** you're seriously afraid of a stupid human

 

 **theprinceofchina:** he's a pretty badass human tbh

 

 **nofucksminghao:** thanks for stickin up for me bud

 

 **theprinceofchina:** no prob 

 

 **han_angel:** jun you useless gay

 **han_angel:** you're flirting even while your dignity as a vampire is on the line

 

 **nofucksminghao:** vampire?!

 **nofucksminghao:** vAMPIRE?!

 

 **w0n no:** jesus christ jeonghan

 **w0n no:** you've lived for like eternity

 **w0n no:** and yet you're still shit at keeping our identity a secret

 

 **theprinceofchina:** you guys wanna come over and sort things out yourself with him?

 

 **nofucksminghao:** um no thanks

 **nofucksminghao:** i refuse to give consent

 

 **theprinceofchina:** we're in the janitor's closet next to geo

 

 **w0n no:** isn't that where all the students go to bang?

 

 **theprinceofchina:** that's what i intended yes

 

 **han_angel:** you're too fucking gay to function oml

 

 **nofucksminghao:** guys let's negotiate smth

 **nofucksminghao:** i have blackmail

 

 **w0n no:** and we have sharp fucking teeth to puncture your veins with

 

 **nofucksminghao:** i can tell fucking everyone about your stuff

 **nofucksminghao:** all of this bullshit

 

 **han_angel:** do you honestly think they'll believe you

 

 **nofucksminghao:** it's worth a shot

 

 **theprinceofchina:** can we just kill him

 **theprinceofchina:** from what i can smell

 **theprinceofchina:** he's an o type boi

 

 **nofucksminghao:** you're fucking smelling me?

 

 **theprinceofchina:** ik it's creepy but you kinda smell delish

 **theprinceofchina:** it's like the smell of a lobster thermidor to your puny human nose

 

 **nofucksminghao:** i smell like a fucking lobster is what you're telling me

 **nofucksminghao:** is this a fucking joke to you

 

 **theprinceofchina:** no sir

 **theprinceofchina:** sorry sir

 

 **han_angel:** i literally cannot with you rn jun

 

 **w0n no:** can't we just leave him for dead

 **w0n no:** he's no use to us isn't he?

 

 **han_angel:** you've got a point wonwoo

 **han_angel:** this is why you're my favorite child

 

 **theprinceofchina:** mom don't do this to me

 

 **w0n no:** we're sending you back to fucking china

 

 **han_angel:** toodles

 **han_angel:** i'm off to get my daily frappucino bitches

 

 **w0n no:** and i'm off to sit in the corner waiting for love like usual

 

 **theprinceofchina:** guys please

 **theprinceofchina:** hello

 **theprinceofchina:** hELLO?

 **theprinceofchina:** tHE BITCH IS SMACKING ME WITH A CROSS

 **theprinceofchina:** HE THREW THE FUCKING BIBLE AT ME HELP

 **theprinceofchina:** hH

 **theprinceofchina:** HE'S GOT THE FUCKING STAKE BITCH

 

 **w0n no:** don't you think we should help him

 

 **han_angel:** why should we

 **han_angel:** this is perfect blackmail material

 **han_angel:** i'm totally gonna use this in the next decade or so

 

 **nofucksminghao:** i'm getting bored of this piece of shit

 **nofucksminghao:** he keeps screaming bloody murder while i'm trying to have fun

 **nofucksminghao:** it's distracting

 

 **han_angel:** so does that mean we can take him back

 

 **w0n no:** what mom no i don't want him back

 

 **nofucksminghao:** take him

 **nofucksminghao:** i need to go to physics 

 **nofucksminghao:** byea

 

 **han_angel:** jesus what did he fucking do to you jun

 

 **theprinceofchina:** idk man

 **theprinceofchina:** i honestly don't wanna remember 

 

 **w0n no:** mom mingyu's calling me

 **w0n no:** gotta hoppity hop away now

 

 **han_angel:** why the fuck would mingyu call you

 

 **w0n no:** priorities 

 

 **theprinceofchina:** can you please help me

**han_angel:** jun not right now

 **han_angel:** i've just been alerted that my wonwoo has a chance at love

 **han_angel:** your situation can wait later

 

 **theprinceofchina:** mom i'm literally choking on hawaiian pizza

 **theprinceofchina:** it's pizza with fRICKING PINEAPPLES ON IT 

 **theprinceofchina:** wHAT HAVE HUMANS COME TO

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that soonyoung isn't seen at all in this fic, but I assure you he will appear often in the next chapter. So will our new character!  
> Sorry again for the really bland ending, I lost inspiration at the end but couldn't wait any longer since I already delayed this chapter for 10 days. I really appreciate your patience!
> 
> Thank you for reading Part four!  
> Constructive Criticism is gladly welcomed!  
> Any comment or even a single read of my work is already a huge help towards me writing more, so thank you for even viewing this work!


End file.
